Lost Without You
by Melika93
Summary: It's 5 weeks since Luc disappeared, and Eddi is starting to get back into a routine. However, things are thrown back into disarray when a new locum arrives, and Eddi has to question where her emotions are really at.
1. Luc's Replacement

**Chapter 1 – Luc's replacement**

Eddi had been having a pretty hectic morning, and so was pretty annoyed when she looked up from her computer to see a scruffy looking man pressing the abdomen of a patient. What part of 'leave it to the doctors' didn't people understand?

"Excuse me!" Eddi called loudly as she hurried over to the man. "What do you think you're doing?" She asked, as she pulled his hand away from the patient. The man smirked at her "My job." Eddi continued to look confused, so he held his hand out and said "Max Schneider, I'm the new locum. I'm here to replace Luc Hemingway. And your name is?" Eddi didn't respond, so he asked again "Your name is…" She looked up "Oh, I'm senior nurse Eddi Mckee." She replied distractedly, before walking away, leaving his hand hanging in mid-air.

'"I'm here to replace Luc Hemingway."' Eddi replayed the words in her head. This guy was replacing Luc. Everyone had known, from the moment that Luc had first left 5 weeks ago, that he wasn't coming back, and AAU had been really struggling with understaffing, so it was only a matter of time. She'd known that, but that didn't stop Max's arrival from being a shock, it had suddenly become real. Luc really wasn't coming back, and things were moving on. The ward had a new doctor, and so Luc's absence would no longer be a problem for them, her workload would go back to the manageable amount that it was before. Except that Eddi's recent problems had nothing to do with her increased workload, and everything to do with the emotional consequences of Luc's sudden departure. She knew that she was of no use to anyone in this current state, she needed to go somewhere to clear her head, and so she made her way to the only place that made her feel truly calm.


	2. The Roof

**Chapter 2 – The Roof**

Eddi took a big gulp of air and felt the oxygen hit her lungs, quelling the tears that had been threatening to surface. She walked slowly over to the small stairs that linked one part of the roof to the other, and sat down. This was the first time that she'd been up here since Luc had left; she hadn't been able to bring herself to do it, until now. She gazed over to the railings on the far side of the roof, and remembered the first time that she'd ever seen him. "Don't do it." She whispered to herself, reliving those first words. Eddi imagined Luc turning round, remembered all the sarcastic comments that he'd made to her, remembered his disapproval of alcohol. She really hadn't liked him at first; she'd thought he was a cocky smartass. Well, she still thought he was a cocky smartass, but he was _her_ cocky smartass, and being without him was so painful.

Even throughout all that time that she'd thought she'd hated him, he'd still been on her mind nearly 24/7, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. He was like an obsession, except she hadn't realised that the feelings she'd mistaken as disdain, had really been the beginnings of love.

She walked over to the railings, and looked over the edge. It was a long way down, just like her relationship – _When you fall in love, it's a long way down. _Love. That felt strange to say, had she really loved him? She'd only known him a short time, and most of that time they'd been at loggerheads. People said it took years to fall in love, and yet she couldn't really think of any other explanation for the sense of need that she felt for Luc.

This wouldn't do, this dwelling on the past, she needed to let it all out, before it consumed her, even in her work. Eddi looked over her shoulder, making sure that there were no other people, and then she tilted back her head and screamed. She screamed till her throat was raw, and she let the tears flow down her face. Then, after about 10 minutes, there was nothing left, so she wiped her face, took a deep breath, and headed back down the stairs to AAU, feeling very empty.


	3. Back on AAU

**Chapter 3 – Back on AAU**

Eddi had barely walked through the doors when Max was right next to her, seeming very out of his comfort zone. "Where were you? We've been swamped!" Eddi surveyed the ward and noticed that there were still a couple of empty beds. They'd been dealing with a full ward for the past 5 weeks, and had been managing just fine, this new guy clearly wasn't up to much. She would've pointed this out to him, but she was too tired to argue. "Look, I was having a break, alright." Max looked intently at her face, before asking in a very insensitive voice, "Have you been crying? Your eyes are all red…" "It was windy outside!" Eddi snapped back, she didn't have time for this. But Max wasn't letting it go, "But-" "I thought we were 'swamped'? Stop wasting time and let's get back to work!" Eddi shouted, pushing past him and walking over to the nearest patient.

Eddi was back at the computer again, when she felt a presence next to her. It was Max, what a surprise. "Hey, Eddi, listen. I'm sorry if I annoyed you earlier, I was just a bit overworked." He paused for a reply, but Eddi was still ignoring him, so he continued. "Hey," he nudged her, and she turned to look up at him, "How about we go for a drink after work, get to know each other, you know." He winked at her, and flashed a smile that he clearly considered to be charming, but which Eddi found really rather creepy. "No, thanks." She replied curtly. "Are you sure? You look like the kind of girl that enjoys her drinks." "I bet you say that to all the women." Eddi replied sarcastically. Max had absolutely zero tact, and yet still seemed to think that he was God's gift to women. She got up to leave, and he stroked her arm as she passed, leaving her silently reeling.

It was nearing the end of the day, so Sacha came over to say goodbye. "How are you, Eddi?" It was an innocent bit of small talk, but Eddi felt the subtle question that it was hiding, '_Are you coping with Luc's having been replaced?_' "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks Sacha." She hated lying to her friend, so she gave him a sweet smile to make up for it, and even allowed him to hug her. "I'm staying a bit later tonight, I have some paperwork to catch up on, so I'll see you tomorrow." Eddi called after Sacha, and he waved in acknowledgement, just as Max sidled up beside her. "I'm just leaving." He whispered, suggestively. "Congratulations," Eddi replied bluntly, "I'm staying." Max frowned briefly, but then returned to a smile. "Well, I'll be at the Red Lion most of the night if you wanted to meet up for that drink, after all." Eddi shook her head, "I'm staying until 9:00, and then I'm just gonna go home, it's been a long day." Max nodded, "Okay, well, I guess I'll see you later, then." He said as he made his way out of the doors. "No, you won't!" Eddi shouted after him, annoyed at the fact that he clearly hadn't been listening to her.

Max turned the corner and an evil leer alighted on his face. _'Yes, I will.' _He thought.


	4. Trouble in the Car Park

**Chapter 4 – Trouble in the car park**

It was 9:05 when Eddi eventually finished her paperwork, bid good bye to Michael who was working nights, and left the building. Nobody else was in the car park, but she was secretly grateful, she didn't really feel like talking to anybody at the moment, she just wanted to go home and sleep. She'd walked about 300 metres from the building when she felt a presence behind her. She turned around, and saw the silhouette of a man standing in the trees, watching her. Panic overwhelmed her, and, not caring how silly she might look, she ran off as fast as she could. She'd barely made it 50 metres when a hand grabbed her shoulder and she screamed, shaking her arm desperately to try and get free.

"Shh!" The man said, "It's alright." Eddi looked at him properly for the first time and realised who it was. "Max!" She shouted angrily, "Do you have any idea how scared I was?" Now that she could see him closely, she noticed a slightly dazed look on his face, as he opened his mouth to talk again. "How, now about that drrrrink?" His words were slightly slurred. "Sounds to me like you've already had plenty to drink." Eddi replied, coolly, "Now, can you please let go of my shoulder?" But Max just tightened his grip. "You're right," he grinned manically, "Let's just skip drinks altogether, you back come to mine." His nails were starting to dig into her flesh, and Eddi shook in discomfort. "No, Max, you're drunk. Now will you just let go of me!" Her words seemed to be having no effect; he just continued to stare at her. Then he grabbed her with his other arm as well, she was trapped, she couldn't run.

Eddi started screaming, horrified at how helpless she was. "No, please…" She begged as he started edging closer to her face, she could feel his breath on her cheeks, there seemed to be nothing that she could do. In a last ditch attempt to free herself, she kneed him in the stomach, and he feel back, cursing. Eddi saw him raise his hand to strike her, closed her eyes, and braced herself for the inevitable blow. She heard a loud thud as bone collided with bone, and prepared for the pain, but it didn't come. Cautiously, she opened her eyes, and, to her astonishment saw Max lying on the floor, blood pouring from his nose. Stood next to her, bloodied fist still hanging in the air, a look of manic fury in his eyes was Luc Hemingway. "DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH HER AGAIN!" He howled.


	5. Luc

**Chapter 5 – Luc**

Eddi took about 3 seconds to fully comprehend the situation, and then she just broke down in tears. Luc seemed tentative to touch her, but he couldn't bear to see her in so much pain, so he reached out his arms and pulled her into a hug. For a few moments they just stood there, Eddi sobbing uncontrollably into Luc's chest, until eventually the tears stopped. "Come on, you're still in shock, you need a sit down.' Luc whispered caringly into Eddi's ear, but she was still standing, transfixed on Max's unconscious body. "What about-" She started, but Luc stopped her mid-sentence. "Don't even mention his name; he's fine where he is. Come on.' Luc took off his coat and draped it over her shivering body, before leading her back towards the hospital. When they got closer, a familiar shape came into view. Luc's caravan was parked in exactly the same spot where it used to reside. Eddi stepped inside, shortly followed by Luc, and she noticed how natural it felt, even after all this time.

"Here you go." Eddi looked up to see Luc standing over her with a cup of tea, and she took it from him gratefully, as he sat down opposite her. She took a sip; 2 sugars with just a little bit of milk – exactly the way that she liked it. She felt touched that she'd remembered, and for a second, all she wanted to do was to go and curl up next to him, but then she remembered why she shouldn't… why she couldn't. "You left" She stated simply. Luc met her eyes, and Eddi saw that they were filled with sadness and regret. "Yes, I did." He confirmed. "You came back." Eddi stated again, and Luc nodded. "Why?" Eddi asked. "Why did I leave, or why did I come back?" Luc replied evasively. "Both. Either. I just need to understand." Luc got up and paced up and down the caravan before he started to answer her. "Okay. I owe you so much, the least I can do is give you a satisfactory answer."

"Those weeks before I left… they were the happiest of my life. I'd never been in a relationship before, not properly, and it was great. But at the same time, it was terrifying. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to open up, how to express my emotions. Forget expressing them, I didn't even know what emotions I was feeling! Thing were moving so fast, and I was starting to panic, but I kept a hold on myself because I didn't want to lose you. And then you gave me your house key. That was it, that was a solid token of commitment, it was you telling me that you were ready for the next stage. But _I_ wasn't, _I_ wasn't ready at all. And so I freaked out; I ran as I always do. I jumped in my caravan and drove away as far as I could, not stopping to think about what I was leaving behind. I wanted to do more, live my life to the full, I didn't want to be tied down by commitment. As far as I was concerned, a committed relationship was the end of excitement. I was wrong, I was so wrong, but it took me too long to realise. For 2 weeks, I did every activity that I could think of – I went rock climbing, I did caving, assault courses, even scuba diving! I did everything that I could to try and forget you, but it wasn't working. You were there every second, every minute, every hour, and every day. You just wouldn't leave my head, and the guilt that I was feeling was beginning to overwhelm me. One day, as I was hiking in the Lake District, I saw an old man walking with his wife. They were holding hands, smiling, and laughing with one another. And it was then that I realised what a terrible mistake I'd made. I'd thought that a relationship would mean that I couldn't be free any more, and yet here were 2 people, clearly very much in love, and in exactly the same place as me. The only difference between our situations was that they were so much happier than me.

I wanted to go back at that very moment, but I realised that I couldn't. I thought that you'd be too angry, that you wouldn't want to see me. I was afraid of what I might find; the thought of seeing you again, seeing your beautiful eyes filled with anger, anger that was directed at me… that would have destroyed me. So instead I chose the coward's way out, and I stayed away. I called Holby regularly, though. I spoke to Hanssen, asked how long I had to think about the job. He told me that it would stay open as long as I was interested, but that they'd be finding a temporary replacement for me. And then this morning, I received a call from HR, and they told me that a replacement had been found; a Locum called Max Schneider. I was curious to see who they'd chosen, so I went on Google and pulled up his records, and the deeper I searched, the more worried I became. The guy had worked in 3 different hospitals in the past year, and had left all of them in very suspicious circumstances. The first hospital he'd been 'made redundant' from, but that seemed odd, as I noticed that they'd found a new locum within a week. If they didn't have space for Max, then why were they getting someone new? I called them up, told them that I was a potential employer, and they told me that they'd claimed redundancy to avoid a potential lawsuit. They'd wanted to sack him, but had they done so, then Max had threatened to sue, as there was a dispute over the reason they'd wanted to sack him. I asked them what the reason was, and eventually they admitted to me that it was over a claim that he'd operated on a patient while drunk. Unfortunately, by the time the reports had reached the right people, Max had already left, and so the next day when he came in to work and they wanted to do a tox screen on him, he simply said that the alcohol in the system was because he'd been to the pub the night before. They couldn't prove that it was a lie, but they didn't want him working there anymore, and so they deliberately made his position unnecessary.

He'd resigned from the second hospital, which seemed odd given the economy, but when I called the hospital up to see if I could find any more information surrounding his departure, they refused to tell me anything. The final hospital had the most worrying story, though. He'd resigned from that one as well, but when I called them up, they were more than happy to tell me why. Apparently he quit just before they could sack him. He'd been accused of harassment. Several female staff on his ward said that he'd been constantly pestering them, and one nurse said that he'd been following her home. That was all that I needed to hear. I immediately drove straight over here, but by the time that I arrived it was already 8:00PM, and when I asked at reception they said that he'd left, so I parked my caravan here, and intended to wait till morning and speak to Max then. I was just about to go to sleep when I heard screaming. And so I ran outside, and… well, you know the rest." Luc finished. He sighed deeply. "Anyway, you need to sleep. I can find you a hostel if you'd prefer, but I thought that perhaps you might feel safer if you stayed in my bed tonight." Eddi looked up, there were tears in her eyes again. She clearly wanted to say something but Luc shook his head. "Not now. You need to sleep. We can talk in the morning… if you want to." Eddi obediently clambered into his tiny bunk. "Sweet dreams." Luc breathed, as her eyes closed.


End file.
